woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
