we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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