My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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