I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
