she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
