you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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