Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
