3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
