you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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