in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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