I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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