I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
