i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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