Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
