I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
