The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
