Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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