You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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