I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
