i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
