I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
