now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
