Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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