i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
