Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
