Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
