Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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