My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
