yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
