We're facebook friends in real life
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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