Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
