just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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