Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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