I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
