Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
