ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
