I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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