I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
