I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
