A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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