Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
