we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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