What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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