hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
