I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i think i just lost a toe
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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