I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
