I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
