Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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