he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
