my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
