based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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