your room smells of hookers.
And success
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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