I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
