help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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